I’ve never had a reason to buy baby yarn. Every time I pass by the baby yarn section I swoon and want and lust, but because no one around me ever has babies, I never let myself buy it. No matter how soft and pretty it is. I don’t even look good in pastels! It doesn’t make any sense. But to an outsider, having a knitting blog doesn’t make any sense either. That’s just what knitters do.

I was in my local general store to buy some batteries today, but I had to stop by the yarn section to see what they had. And finally, I broke down and bought this!

They were in the little discontinued bin. I had to snap them up before they disappeared forever! It was a yarn rescue, and therefore my duty. It only cost me $12 (Canadian!), which is pretty darn good.

I wonder which one of my friends I can convince to have a baby.

A great idea from knitgrrl for a sunburn sweater:

It would be funny to have an intarsia pullover that’s red on the shoulder tops, chest, etc and then white where the shirt you were wearing when you got burned would be.

This has inspired me with another idea: Sweaters with tattoos on them. You can emulate a tattoo you already have (ensuring it’s displayed in both summer and winter), or test out one you want. It would be mega-cool to knit a sweater with an anchor on the shoulder. I’ve even made a little chart:

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I came across Microsoft’s adCenter Labs today in a routine search for cool Web 2.0 things. They’ve got an automatic demographics predictor that judges someone’s gender and age based on their search queries and the websites they visit.

If you type in knitting: 78% chance you’re female, and you’re most likely between 35 and 49 years old.
If you visit my site: 53% chance you’re female, and you’re most likely under 18. I’m slightly horrified by the age judgement (do I use OMG that often?), but let’s move on.

Assuming there’s no question that the average knitter is female, is the average knitter really between 35 and 49? I suppose my experience is coloured by the fact that the people I’ve met are mostly through blogs and such and therefore most of the knitters I know are younger, mid-to-late twenties folks. But those same people who are publishing knitting blogs are also the ones who are doing the most on the web, dontcha think? Shouldn’t the age demo be skewed lower? Now that I think of it, maybe the people I’m connecting with are actually in their thirties and I’m just assuming they’re younger because they have such youthful vigour. What do you think? How old is the average knitter?

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I’m surprised how well this hat is doing! It’s only June 25th and I’m more than halfway done. Considering it’s only been around 2 weeks since I started this project, I should be finished before my July 29th deadline. Fingers crossed.

I really love how logical this pattern is. After 15 rows or so, I ended up tossing my stitch markers because they were just getting in the way and I did wonderfully without them. 88% of the time I wasn’t looking at the charts, just going with the flow. Can a knitting pattern have rhythm? If so, this hat would win first prize in some sort of jazz competition. It would be best friends with Duke Ellington.

I’ll be out of town and without an internet connection for the weekend, so I won’t be able to blog or answer emails / comments. I’ve got lots of knitting in the ol’ kit bag, so expect some mega Spectator Grand progress updates when I get back.

This is Part Two of a Choose Your Own Adventure series for the Amazing Lace KAL. Read Part One if you haven’t yet.

The blizzard is wilder than Carrot Top on a coke spree. It’s so thick, I could cut it with a knife. And I would, if you trusted me with sharp implements. It’s been 8 years, but you still haven’t forgiven me for accidentally slicing your Fabergé watermelon in half with a katana. It wasn’t my fault; I was trying to cut the “sexual tension” and missed.

We’ve been trudging through the badlands of Canada for five weeks now, searching for “The One Spinner.” We haven’t met a soul. We have to fight with wolves and coyotes for every scrap of food we carry with us. It’s so cold, I’m starting to rethink all the ice cream I packed.

We were on a train to Bangalore, Ontario when the ambiguously Eastern-European gentleman approached us with this mission. We’d known about it for less than five minutes before my twin sister, Katerina Katamari, was brutally murdered. We jumped from the train and made our way to safety, but only after a magnificent explosion and three car chases. Now we trek alone through Kingston, which even in the summer is dark as night and more frostbitten than a nudist on Cold Mountain.

The man said Intunisia. That’s where we have to go to find The One Spinner. Google Maps says that’s 15,000 kilometers from here, or 9,320.57 miles. My gut says that’s a long way, and I trust my gut.

We manage to find an old farmhouse with a family living in it. The father, Barnabas, has the gnarled hands of a Tom Cruise impersonater, a large nose and a burly chest. His wife Zemira has a fat bum; the dog, a glass eye. The children are a mass of arms and legs and other moving parts too dizzying to be resolved into recognizable human shapes before they’ve whizzed off into another part of the house. They offer us food and wash our clothes, and ask us where we’re going.

“We can’t say,” you say. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I once did a gig at a scientology youth recruitment drive,” says Barnabas. “They were like rabid dogs in heat. Until you’ve seen a 13-year-old scientology convert try to eat your placenta, you haven’t seen danger.” He shudders and stuffs a sausage into his mouth. No one asks questions after that.

After dinner, the family sits down by the television and the two of us pull out our knitting. We haven’t gotten much done since the train. After a while, Zemira glances over at us and smiles.

“My sister used to spin. Would you like to see her yarn? You can have some of it, if you like. I haven’t knit in 10 years.”

A knitter can’t say no to that. She takes us up to the attic; it’s stuffed from top to bottom with broken chairs, dog calendars, painted trinkets and old Top Gun outfits. Zemira walks to the very back corner and pulls out an old cardboard box. It’s filled with delicate roving and a single skein of handspun silk, dyed green with a touch of turquoise. She hands it to you, and within seconds your fingers recognize the yarn, the texture, that characteristic twist. But it can’t be… Can it?

“Zemira… Who did you say your sister was?”

The attic door booms open and your heart nearly jumps out of its shoes. “Zemira! Our friends have company!”

A rocket-propelled grenade blows a hole in the attic wall. We’re met with a rain of fire and bullets. Zemira takes one in the arm. She dives for the box marked “Books & Guns” and pulls out an M-16 assault rifle, returning fire. I grab your arm and jump out of the house; we land in a carefully choreographed summersault and sprint into the woods.

We keep running for miles and miles before we’re sure we’ve lost them. We collapse by a tree and you pull out the yarn you’d stuffed in your pocket. The one key we have to finding The One Spinner. You notice a small card folded inside.

A rough sketch of what looks like a lace chart is scribbled next to the address. I inspect it carefully, and realize how similar it is to my own project. I reach for my knitting bag to compare them. My lungs twist as I realize that we left both our bags at the farmhouse. I turn to you, helplessly.

It’s time once again to choose where to go. Do you continue trekking towards the asiatic mists of Intunisia, or do you change course towards the Pentagon? And most importantly, do you go back for your knitting? Cast your vote in the comments!

A little while ago I had an idea for a knitting patterns database where knitters could link to their favourite patterns, assign ratings, share ideas and pictures and generally clown about. I was going to give up on the idea because it seemed like too much work, until I realized that a more simple solution was available: del.icio.us, the popular social bookmarking service. The power of del.icio.us is in its tagging functions, which allow you to index a giant set of links in as many different ways as you want.

Keeping a del.icio.us pattern database is simple. In the “title” field, put the name of the pattern. (I’m only specifying this because sites like MagKnits and Knitty don’t put pattern names into their titles, which can make things confusing when you have a lot of ambiguously titled links). Put any comments about the pattern into the “description” section. Then tag away, as follows:

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I was planning to write another installment of my little story tonight, but I started knittin’ on my lace and it kinda got away from me. I’ll have more time tomorrow after work, so check back then!

You can also expect a post from me about how to organize your knitting, your patterns and your life using a simple little tool on the internet. Check back soon!

EDIT, Thursday, June 22, 9:45 AM: I apologize for being a deadbeat blogger. I ended up watching Cars last night and then an episode of The Corporation was on TVO. They were both fantastic!

I haven’t done a meme in a long while. Felt it was time.

What kind of yarn are you?

You are Shetland Wool. You are a traditional sort who can sometimes be a little on the harsh side. Though you look delicate you are tough as nails and prone to intricacies. Despite your acerbic ways you are widely respected and even revered.

Take this quiz!

At January One there’s a great story about men and knitting. And thanks to Fig and Plum, I have an AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS-sounding sweet potato breakfast recipe to try.